I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
