I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
