I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
