I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
