Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
