I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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