So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
