Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
