whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
