Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
