just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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