I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize