As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
