I wish my penis had an off switch
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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