No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
