Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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