i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
