She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Every concussion has its silver lining
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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