First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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