11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
