FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
