i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
