you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
