Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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