Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
