break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
