Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
