pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
