I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
