i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
