haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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