Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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