Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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