My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
