If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
