Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
