I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
