If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
