I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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