You smell like stripper and shame
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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