put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
