90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
