So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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