I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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