our cab driver is having phone sex.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
