I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
