Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i've created a new STD.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I believe in your delicious
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
