You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
