honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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