is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
