I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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