My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
