The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
