bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
