You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
