you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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