My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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