somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
