my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
