2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
