That's when you crack a 10am beer
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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