At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
