SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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