Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize