I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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