Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
