I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
