dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
