Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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