So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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