I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
