i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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