worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
