roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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