Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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