Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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