I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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