by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
