I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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