i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
