I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize