just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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