Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
