if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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