Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
