Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
