I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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