I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
